


One Last Time

by YogisPipHTTYD



Series: One Last Time [1]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Children, Civil War AU, F/M, Heartbreak, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Love, Rape, Romance, THIS IS A HICCSTRID FANFIC, Trouble, War, astrid/minor oc, struggles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-19 14:46:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YogisPipHTTYD/pseuds/YogisPipHTTYD
Summary: (CIVIL WAR AU) Astrid never experienced heartbreak, as when she had to send her sweet husband, Hiccup Haddock, off to fight in the Civil War. He left her alone with their three young daughters, Ida, their six year old, Ethel, their three year old, and Sallie, their six month old. For three years, she waited his return; but when she receives the news that he perished at Gettysburg, things take a turn for the worst. She faces losing not only the farm and her husband’s beloved horse, but also their daughters, her only remaining reminder of him.For two years, she battles her depression, working and maintaining the farm, keeping up with three jobs, and caring for her children. But what happens when a stranger arrives in their small town of Berk? A stranger she finds herself familiar with for some reason. Rated M: sexual content, language, rape and violence





	1. Prologue: It's Hard to Say Goodbye

“Mommy! Daddy!”

Hiccup quickly pulled out of his very heated kiss with Astrid. Pulling the sheets up, he went to cover both of their naked bodies. After which, he laughed as he rolled off of Astrid and turned towards their door. “Come on in, girls!” He called.

Two small girls ran in with the biggest smiles reaching their face. One was a black-haired girl with violet eyes, the other a blonde with green eyes. The black-haired girl, Ida, was the oldest, at six years old, and the blonde, Ethel, was three. In her arms, Ida carried a baby girl, Sallie. Sallie was six months old and had auburn hair and blue eyes.

Sitting up a little on the bed, not letting the sheets fall past his hips, Hiccup held his arms out and helped Ethel into the bed. Then he helped Ida, and took Sallie into his arms. “Good morning, sweethearts.” He greeted them as he gave a kiss to the top of each of their heads. Wrapping an arm around Astrid, he held all four of his girls close and sighed in content.

“Are you going to take me riding today, daddy? You promised me, last night, that you would.” Ida asked excitedly. She was a beautiful girl, and had even been deemed a much beautiful baby, as an infant. They had no clue where she got her black hair and rare, violet eyes; it was one mystery that they figured made her that much more unique. And they loved her for her uniqueness.

He beamed over at his oldest and poked her nose playfully. “Well if I promised, don’t you think I’d take you riding? Since when has your daddy ever made a promise he can’t keep?”

Astrid chuckled and stroked Ida’s hair with loving fingers. “One of the many wonderful qualities about your father, Ida, is that he has never made a promise that he cannot keep. He’s a smart man, not a dumb one.” She told the girl.

Hiccup scoffed teasingly. “Wow, thank you for that backhanded compliment, milady. Girls, I love your mother with all my heart, but she is very good with giving compliments in backhanded ways.” He saw the look on his wife’s face and gulped slightly. “I-I mean…uh…thank you very much, dear?” He suggested with a crooked smile as though saying, please, just don’t hurt me.

She laughed outright and shook her head. “I wasn’t going to punch you, Hiccup. And even if I wanted to, I still wouldn’t; not while you have the baby.” She reminded him.

He sighed in relief and pressed his lips to Sallie’s head. “You saved your old man’s hide, Sal.” He said gratefully. Then he looked back toward Ida, remembering their conversation before. “We’ll go out riding, after breakfast, Ida. Speaking of, whatcha say we get up and make something for these hooligans, milady?” He said to Astrid.

She hummed. “I suppose we should. How bout you get it started, and I’ll feed Sal?”

“Sure.” He agreed. He was just about to get up, when he remembered the state he and Astrid were in. He blushed lightly, glaring at his wife’s sly smile. “Ida, Ethel, why don’t you two go get dressed while mommy and daddy get ready?” He suggested to his daughters.

The girls ran out eagerly, their messy hair swooshing around them. Then they closed the bedroom door as they ran out.

After they were gone, Astrid barked a laugh, while Hiccup glared playfully at her. “Oh shut up.” He mumbled while leaning in and kissing her collarbone softly.

But she swatted his head, making him pull back and give her a confused look. “I have to feed the baby, and you need to start breakfast for our other two girls.” She reminded him with a smiled. At his despondent face, she kissed him softly and ruffled his hair. “Later, lover boy.”

He grinned slyly, stroking her arm with such softness. “I’ll hold you to that, milady.” Then he rolled out of bed, albeit reluctantly, and went to dress. After which, he left to head for the kitchen to make breakfast.

As he stood at the old stove, his two oldest daughter came bounding in, their long hair still a mess and in need of help. He laughed as he put the spoon with which he was using to make porridge down and knelt in front of them. “You girls need me to do your hair?” He asked as he stroked each of their heads.

Hiccup and Astrid had gotten married when they were fourteen and nineteen. There was no doubt in Hiccup’s parents’ mind that their son was in love, and that Astrid was in love with him. Astrid had fallen in love with him for more than just his looks though. She’d found out, early on, that he was able to cook and clean, unlike many of the suitors that had begged her for her hand since her father’s death, when she was twelve. Hiccup was different though.

His ability to cook and clean made her one happy woman, when they married. And a year later they had Ida. As she began to grow hair, and it grew longer, Astrid was pleased to discover more of her husband’s hidden talents. He could do hair. He had offered to do hers on numerous occasions, but she had always insisted on doing it herself. But as Ida grew, and she was left tired, Hiccup had stepped in to do whatever his daughter needed. He could dress her, change her diapers, do her hair, everything. And now, he had two daughters to do that with; which they both loved when he did their hair.

Ida nodded and held out two leather bands for him. Turning them around, he used the wooden hair brush to gently pry out the nasty knots in their beautiful hair. Then he but them into loose braids. After that, he grabbed some flowers that Astrid always kept on the table, and put them into random spots of the braids. “There we go. There’s my beautiful girls.” He said pridefully as he touched each of their cheeks and placed light kisses on their foreheads.

The girls each giggled and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, daddy.” They said unanimously. Picking up the ends of their dresses, they raced to the table and climbed up on the chairs that were still to big for them. Hiccup helped them up and then went back to making breakfast.

Astrid came in, not long later, Sallie in her arms, dressed in a thick dress to keep her from the bitter cold that threatened them during the winter months. Astrid herself wore a simple, beat up, blue dress with an apron over top. Her hair was loose, with only parts of the front being pulled back into a small braid.

That’s when Hiccup set breakfast in front of everyone. They’d had nothing but porridge for the past few weeks, but, unfortunately, that was all they could afford at the moment. Hiccup had lost his job at the sawmill several months ago, because of the impact of the war that had just started not even half a year ago. The Civil War, as they called it. They were at war with their own countrymen. It was sad to see it come to this, and see the effects it cause. Because of it, Hiccup had lost his job, and they had been reduced to nothing more than rations of food.

She looked over at Hiccup with a soft, hopefully encouraging smile. She knew that losing his job had struck him right in the gut. His pride was, without a doubt, damaged. With great struggle, she had managed to get him to admit that he felt like a failure as a husband and a father, because he lost his job. He felt unable to provide for his own family; to him, that was something worse than death. All he wanted was to give his wife and young daughters a good home, good clothes, and good food. Now, he couldn’t even do that. It took its toll on him, and she could see it in the way he had started to age from the stress of the last few months.

They were doing all they could for the time being. She would eat little, but still a substantial amount so that she could provide milk for Sallie, and he would hardly eat anything. he had started losing a significant amount of weight, which he and Astrid could only hope the girls hadn’t noticed. She had also lost a great deal amount of weight, but still not quite as much as him. Even their daughter, Ida and Ethel, had begun losing weight because of the food shortage.

He looked around at his family, as he always did at breakfast and dinner, and felt his heart break once more. His wife’s face, while beautiful as he would always find her and know her to be, was shallow, and dark bags lined under her eyes. She looked so…empty. His daughters looked weaker than they once were. They used to be so lively; and while they would still run around and play, they couldn’t last as long as they once did. One of his favorite things to do, had been to watch his little girls run and play. They were like fairies, when they ran through the tall, summer grass. So beautiful. So enchanting. Now it seemed there was only a sliver of those girls left in the daughters he’d raised.

Then there was Sallie. She was smaller than most six month old babies. She’d been born at nine months, she just wasn’t getting the necessary nourishing most babies needed. She was healthy, but looked so torn down compared to most, healthier, six month olds.

He hated seeing his family so broken up. As a man especially, it hit him right where it hurts. His girls were the most important treasures in his world, and taking care of them felt more like an honor than a duty. To have that honor suddenly taken, and to not be able to give his girls anything more than grits and moldy bread as meals, was about the cruelest thing for him. Now they were suffering, and there was nothing her, or anyone else, could do about it.

Astrid, seeing the heartbreak that was all but written on his face, reached across the table to take his hand in her own smaller one. With her eyes, she told him that it was alright. They were together. They had each other. That was all that mattered. And she was right; he knew that. but deep in his heart, he couldn’t help that feeling of letting them all down, even though it hadn’t been his fault that he was fired.

As the family finished their breakfast in silence, Astrid got up and cleared their pans. Meanwhile, Hiccup grabbed his hat and rifle and ruffled little Ida’s black hair. “You ready to go, half pint?” He asked with a broad, loving smile.

Ida jumped up excitedly and bounced on the balls of her feet. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” She squealed. A laugh slipped past her lips when he placed another hat on her head as well. It was a bit too big, and fell slightly over her forehead. But she smiled wider and pushed it back up.

“I wanna go, papa!” Ethel said hopefully, lifting her arms toward her father.

He chuckled and picked her up. “When you’re a little older, sweetheart.” He told her and kissed her blonde head.

She pouted, crossing her arms. And he couldn’t get over how much she looked like Astrid when she pouted. Other than those green eyes, of course, she was her mother’s spitting image. “Why does Ida get to do everything?”

“She’s older, Ethel. I know it ain’t fair, hon, but I promise that we’ll go riding together when you’re a little bit older. Alright?” He didn’t like disappointing either of his older daughters – Sallie of course being hard to displease because she was only six months old – but he also couldn’t take major risks. He hadn’t Ida out riding when she was three, and he wouldn’t do that with Ethel or Sallie either. And she might not have found it fair at the time, but he knew Ethel would understand one day.

She was still pouting, but nodded anyway. “Ok, daddy.” Kissing his cheek, she wiggled out of his arms and went to play in the small family room.

Astrid came forward then and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Be careful?” She whispered.

He smiled and nodded. “Of course, milady. And I’ll bring our daughter back in one piece.” He promised, making them both laugh. Then he leaned in and kissed her lips chastely. “I love you.” He mumbled against her lips. Then pulling away, he stooped down to scoop Ida up into his strong arms. “You ready to go, baby?” He asked, nudging his nose against her soft cheek.

She giggled and kissed his cheek. That was answer enough for her father, as he turned for the door. A last look back, and he left with Ida snug against him. Within minutes, he had his horse, Toothless, ready and saddled. Then he saddled Astrid’s horse, Stormfly. Picking Ida back up, under her arms, he lifted her up and set her in Stormfly’s saddle.

Father and daughter spent hours riding the deserted plains of Berk, which was part of the Dakota Territory. For miles, there was nothing but sage brush and wild grass. The air was fresh, and clean. To Hiccup, that was the best thing about living in the Dakota Territory, rather than the big cities. And he couldn’t be any happier to be raising his own family in such a beautiful land.

As they rose through the plain, over the hills, and through the tufts of rolling grass that danced with the wind, he watched his daughter with a proud smile. While she looked like no one in their family, he couldn’t help but admire all of their qualities that fit into her. She was as close to perfect as one could ever be. While she made mistakes, she was quick to try and make up and apologize for those mistakes. And she was quick to forgive too. She never once held a grudge, and for that, everyone was grateful. Being on her bad side was never fun.

She fit into this life, better than most. This was the life she wanted. So many times, since she was old enough to speak, she had crawled up into his lap and told him that she loved the life of the prairie. It’s like living in a fairy-tale, she would tell him. And she knew not only the magical parts of the prairie, but also the dangers of it. She knew the harshness the winters could bring. She knew to watch for mountain lions, and rattle snakes, and scorpions. She knew how to test whether a berry was safe to eat, or deadly poisonous. She knew it all, and still, she loved it. She loved all te harsh realities that came with a beautiful land.

She wasn’t like all the other girls, he well knew. While other girls loved dresses, or butterflies, she preferred to spend her time learning how to survive the rough life of the prairie. Hiccup and Astrid had agreed, before they even had children, that any daughters they had needed to be taught how to handle themselves. They couldn’t always depend on a man. Astrid already knew what that was like.

Her father had been a drunk her whole life. Her mother was meek, and never spoke for herself. Being raised mainly by her mother, Astrid had been much the same, for years. When her mother died, when she was seven, nothing changed. She remained the quiet girl that never spoke up to her father. She could hardly take care of herself, and knew little to nothing about the wilderness.

Her father had never cared, though. He turned a blind eye as to Astrid’s well-being. The only times he would acknowledge her was to tell her to cook, or clean, or to mend his clothes. She was more of a slave to him, than a daughter. And when he finally drank himself to death, he left nothing behind for Astrid to live a good life from. She didn’t know how to work the small farm she lived on; her father didn’t believe in women working anywhere else but in the house.

Being thrown, so suddenly, into the cruel world that she’d never had to think of before had a big impact on Astrid. Being only twelve years of age, she was nothing more than a scared orphan that was terrified by the sudden new world. she had to teach herself the ropes. No one was there to guide her. And when she met and married Hiccup, she vehemently told him that she didn’t want her own daughters to go through that, should anything happen to one, or both of them.

He was quick to agree, telling her that he believed women should know the rules of the wild. He didn’t think it fair to see women suddenly left on their own, when their husband, father or brother died, and having little to no clue on how to handle themselves. That was no life, for any woman. And he couldn’t, as a father and a husband, live himself in knowing that if he didn’t leave behind those rules with his women, something much worse could happen to them than if they did know. And as a man that loved his family more than anything, he’d be damned if he let anything happen to them because he didn’t give them the tools necessary to survive.

He had just started teaching Ethel, as well. While she was a bit confused by the lessons, she knew that when her father was trying to teach her something important, it was for a good reason. She paid very close attention to him, as she often did with a lot of things.

Now, watching Ida smiling with rosy cheeks, and her loose hair drift with the cool winter’s breeze, he couldn’t help but imagine her as she grew. He visioned a beautiful young girl, riding merrily through the fields. A girl that didn’t care what society had to say about her unorthodox upbringing. A girl that didn’t need to depend on a man to take care of her. A strong, able-minded girl. It was nothing short of amazing.

They returned at dusk, having had a most enjoyable time. He was just helping her off of Stormfly, when he saw Astrid walking towards them, a despondent look on her beautiful face. Frowning, he crouched in front of Ida and adjusted her hat slightly. “Why don’t you go on inside, Ida. Mommy and daddy will be in shortly.” He told her. She obediently did as she was told.

As Astrid neared him, he was troubled to see tears in her red eyes. She’d been crying a while, already. but why, he wondered? She was the strongest person he knew, and she hardly ever cried. When she did cry, though, it was usually for something serious. She cried when he lost his job. She cried when they lost their baby boy, William, two years ago. Those were the only times. Two times, in their seven years of marriage, and he’d only seen her cry twice.

As soon as she was close enough, he wrapped her in a loving embrace. “Hey. Hey. What’s wrong? What’s wrong, baby?” He mumbled in her ear. “Astrid?” He pulled away and held her cheeks in his gentle hands. “What’s the matter, dearest?” He rubbed his thumbs under her eyes to push away the nasty tears that lined her cheekbones.

She didn’t say anything, just handed him a crumpled piece of paper.

He furrowed his brows as he took the paper. Unfolding it, he read over the content carefully, and slowly. Neither he, nor Astrid had been taught to read or write, as children. They had to teach themselves after they were married. Though they were better at it, they still encountered trouble. But understanding what was in the letter was no trouble for him. The words were clear as day.

“I’ve been called to war. I leave first thing tomorrow.”

She released a sob when he said it aloud. And once again, she fell into his arms. He was still in shock, but quickly began to cry along with her. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening, he tried to tell himself. But the sound of his wife’s cries clearly told him that it was happening. He was going to war. He was leaving his wife and three daughters behind. He cried into her shoulder, and held her tighter than ever before, stroking her soft hair.

“What are we going to tell the girls?” She whispered into his chest.

He shook his head and kissed her neck. “We’re going to tell them the truth; that I’ve been called to join the war. There’s no avoiding this, Astrid. We can’t lie to them.” And she agreed.

Going inside, they both called the girls from their room, and Hiccup beckoned them to sit on his lap. He and Astrid shared similar glances as they struggled with just how to tell their daughters that daddy had to go away. They didn’t sugar-coat it. They told them everything.

“Ida, Ethel…you two know that all I want is to protect you, and make sure you’re safe, right? Because you, and Sallie, and mommy are the most important things to me.” Hiccup started. When they nodded, he pulled them even closer and stroked their soft cheeks. “Well that’s what I’m going to be doing right now. I…I’ve been asked to join the war. That means I’m going to have to go far away, and make sure no bad people can hurt you, your sister, and mommy.”

Ethel shook her head, and her bottom lip quivered, as she threw her chubby arms around his neck. “No, daddy! No! No! No! I don’t want them to take you far away!” She cried desperately.

He blinked away tear as he wrapped one arm around her to keep her close. “I don’t want to leave either, honey; but I need to protect you. Ethel, if there was another way, sweetheart, believe me I would take it, in a heart beat. But this is the only way I can protect you, your sisters, and mommy.” He hated doing this. He may as well have told her that there was a chance he wouldn’t be coming back. Her innocence was already damaged. She was to young for this. Ida was to young for this. Ida. “Ida…what are you thinking, darling?”

She was expressionless. It was like she didn’t know what to say; and really, she didn’t. what could she say? So instead of replying, she scooted up and buried herself in her father’s chest. “I love you, daddy.” She whispered.

He couldn’t hold back the tears that threatened him, not anymore. He let them go as he bent to kiss her head softly. “I love you too, little one. Both of you.” He spoke towards Ethel. After they got down and went to try and distract themselves from the heartbreaking moment, Hiccup took little Sallie. She couldn’t know what was going on. All she would know was that she would be waking up, looking around for her daddy, and realize he’s not there. She would wonder why. And God forbid, if he were to be gone several years, he would come back and she wouldn’t even know who he was. His own daughter.

All to suddenly, the Haddocks’ world was crumbling before them. It was all being shaken, taken away from them within the snap of a finger. He didn’t have a choice. It was either leave and stand a chance of coming home, or stay and undergo trial, guaranteeing that he would never see his family again. there was no choice; he was going.

That night, after all the girls were fed and tucked into bed, Hiccup shut the door of their room, and was immediately met by his wife’s passionate lips. It took him no time to respond to her kiss, and wrap his arms around her small frame. Their tears melted against their lips, as he pushed her against the wall, and slid his hands down to hold her hips.

It didn’t take long to strip each other of their clothes and for him to lay her on their bed. Heartbreak filled what little space there was between their bodies. As he buried his hands in her disheveled hair, and kissed down her neck, he mumbled words of absolute love and adoration for her. He told her how much she meant to him, how he loved her, how beautiful she was.

When he finally entered her, she held tight to his back, trying to keep back her sobs. But it was all for naught. She dug her fingers into his back, and cried softly into the crook of his freckled shoulder.

He shook his head and shut his eyes tight. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, darling.” He said begged with a strangled voice. But he too couldn’t hold back his sobs. And as he made love to her, they shared in more than just passion, but also their fear and heartbreak.

Afterwards, they laid silently in each other’s arms. Nothing needed to be said, to know what the other was thinking. It all spilled out in the way they made love, and the way they held each other. Nothing could make this better. But for now, being with each other, was all they really needed.

The next morning, they woke the girls up at the crack of dawn. It was time. Astrid packed him supplies, enough to last him through several weeks, and they all sat and ate one last meal together. After which, they all bundled up and went out to see him off.

It didn’t take him long to prepare a saddle bag, and then to saddle Toothless. Though he wanted to prolong the time for as long as he could, he knew that it would just make it harder to leave. And he’d never seen a shame in crying, but he also didn’t like crying in front of his daughter. But today, he couldn’t help it. he was leaving them, potentially to never come back; how was he not to cry?

When all was ready, he turned to his small, but beautiful family. His daughters were quieter than he’d ever seen them. His wife couldn’t stop her flow of tear. His youngest daughter was looking at them all curiously, confused to what was going on.

Licking his lips, he knelt down and held out a hand. Ida was quick to come forward and take it. “Ethel, come here, little one.” He beckoned gently. She finally came forward, and he pulled her, with Ida, into his embrace. “Now, you two listen; I’m going to be home real soon, ok? I love you. I love you two, so much.” He told them over again. Giving them each one last kiss, he stood to take Sallie int his arms. “Oh, Sallie, please remember me, sweet girl. Remember, how much daddy loved you.” He kissed her softly then handed her to Ida.

His heart melted when he gazed at his wife, as it always did. But this time was different. He could be saying goodbye to her, forever. He didn’t want to lose her, and he knew she didn’t want to lose him either. It was an unimaginable thought, for both of them. It was hard to believe, seven years ago, they were fourteen and nineteen and just getting married. Six years ago, they became the parents of a darling daughter. Now they were saying goodbye for an unknown amount of time.

He took a sharp breath when she threw herself into his arms, and he rested his head in the crevice of her neck and shoulder. “I love you, so damn much. Always remember that, Astrid.” He whispered against her flushed skin.

She nodded wordlessly. “I will. Just, remember that I’m always with you. The girls are always with you. We’ll be right here, waiting. I promise.”

He sobbed and placed a single kiss on her neck. “One last time. Just one last time. I want to make love to you. I want to ride out with Ida. I want to walk in and watch Ethel playing. I want to see Sallie laugh. One last time. I want to see my family happy together.”

All too soon, he was gone. Just like that. and Astrid was left holding her crying daughters, as they watched their father ride off into the gloomy sunrise. It would never be the same again, they all knew. Everything, in that moment, had changed.

:::

Whew! Long prologue! I had so much fun writing it, but I also cried when I wrote it. I have the outline for this story set out already, and I think it's going to be a twist-taking, adventure-filled, memorable-making book.

So, just to clarify so I don't confuse people, I'd Like to first address my use of the term baby. A lot of people wouldn't think so, but people began using the term baby as a loving term in the year 1839. Back in 1600, it was used to describe an immature adult. 1839-1901 was when it was officially used as a loving term as well.

Then there's the matter of Hiccup's being drafted. During the Civil War the Enrollment Act was placed a conscription (a draft). Now, while it was not placed officially until March of 1863, it was already in use. If you wish to know more about the Enrollment Act here is the link.

I hope you guys enjoyed the prologue, and that you don't feel like it dragged out too much! Peace out people!


	2. Chapter 1: We Can Make It, Together

It was a cold and dark day. Wet. Dreary. Certainly, not a day one would wish to be married on. But for them, there wasn’t a more perfect day. And they were being married in the church, after all; it wasn’t like they had to worry about being rained on, or their entire wedding being ruined, altogether. Nothing could ruin this day for them. Not the weather, not a kink in plans, nothing.

“Do you, Hiccup Haddock, take this woman, Astrid Hofferson, to be your wife? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, and to honor and respect her, until death do you part?” The priest, who was their good friend, Gobber, asked with a smile.

Hiccup beamed, tears in his eyes, as he stared down at Astrid, right into her eyes. He didn’t even have to think about it. He gulped down the lump in his throat and nodded. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Then turning to Astrid, Gobber directed the words to her. “Do you, Astrid Hofferson, take this man, Hiccup Haddock, to be your husband? To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, and to honor and respect him, until death do you part?”

She couldn’t help it; her tears fell freely down her unblemished face, as she nodded without a second thought. “I do.” She said with a strangled voice. Hiccup smiled at her confirmation, as if previously afraid that she would change her mind.

“Then, without further wait, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.” Gobber announced with his thick accent weighing heavily throughout the small room.

Not waiting a second longer, Hiccup slid his hands over Astrid’s slender hips and pulled her near to him. Smiles lit their faces as they kissed passionately, but still innocently enough while in front of a crowd. Cheers rang through the whole room, as they sealed their marriage officially, finalizing their union as one.

After the marriage ceremony, the crowd hauled over to the bar just across town. For hours, they drank, sang, and danced the day away. When it came time for supper, they all gathered around, the finest mugs, filled to the brim with the best whisky, in their hands. It was time for the bride and groom toasts. Hiccup’s best man, Fabian Ingerman, went first.

“I have known Hiccup and Astrid for most of my life. Separately, of course. But I know that there isn’t a couple better suited for each other, than the one right here. Hiccup, you’re my best friend, though I know that, to you, I come in second place of Astrid. My friend, you chose well. if only there were more women like Astrid out there. And let me say, you deserve the finest. After Catharine broke your heart, I thought you’d never move on. I’m glad you proved me wrong. To Hiccup and Astrid Haddock! May you two live long, and happy together!” He cheered before raising his mug to his lips and taking a long swing, just as everyone else did.

Astrid’s maid of honor, Helen Benedict, went next. “Astrid, I have seen you struggle through everything in your life, since the day your mother passed. All the things you went through with your father, they were tough. But, they also made you strong. And I couldn’t be happier to see you as the strong woman you are now. I know that you will work hard in your marriage. Hiccup loves you, I think everyone here can see that. What can I say? He has a great taste. To Hiccup and Astrid Haddock! may you know bright and happy days, and always know how lucky you are!” Once again, everyone took a swig of their whisky.

After the bride and groom were toasted, the people went back to dancing, and before to long it was time for the first dance of the newly wedded. Against the wishes of his parents, Hiccup and Astrid had decided they wanted a lively reception; so their first song was The Old Zip Coon. It was a spry dance, one that kept people moving constantly.

Hoots of fun-filled laughter filled the air, as the couple swung around with the biggest smiles. Soon, the whole community joined in, and the room was full of women and men bounding around the spacious bar. Without a doubt, it would be a time for the small town of Berk to always remember. But, for Hiccup and Astrid, the most memorable part came that night.

That was seven years ago, though. All but a faded memory, left in the past.

 

Present day

 

She was bleak, weary, and couldn’t find it in her heart to smile. She longed for it, yearned for it. all she wanted was to look out at them, running around in the sunlit yard. They were so graceful and beautiful, her two oldest daughters. They had finally cheered up, she just wished she could join in their happiness.

Astrid looked behind her, where her youngest was sitting up on the floor with a big smile. So much like her father, she thought. Sallie was, indeed, the spitting image of her war-bound father, all but those blue eyes. She had his face, his nose, his hair and freckles, everything. The green eyes had passed over her though, instead being given to little Ethel.

Turning completely to keep a full eye on her daughter, and make sure she didn’t wander off, she leaned against her chair and sighed. Resting a hand on the swell of her belly, she rubbed it gently, lovingly. For the hundredth time since Hiccup left for war, she felt her heart break again. She didn’t understand how it was possible to experience heartbreak so many times, in such a short amount of time; all she knew was that she hated it.

Not even a month after Hiccup left, she discovered that she was once again with child. She was pregnant, with a baby Hiccup didn’t even know about; a baby she wouldn’t get to tell him about until he returned. Now, not only would Sallie be estranged from her father, but another baby of theirs wouldn’t know him. He would be a total stranger, in the eyes of his own two children.

She was currently seven months along, and her belly was already round and swollen. Women of the town had talked, first thinking she’d had an affair. But when she vehemently told them that that was certainly not the case, that she would never do that to Hiccup and their girls, the women began to take pity on her. She hated it, but had to admit that their bugging petty was a step up from their thinking she was having an affair.

A hiss brushed past her lips, as she felt a sharp jab to the side of her stomach. “Easy, little one.” She whispered, directing it toward the baby inside her. Lately, she hadn’t been feeling right. She was throwing up more, and the baby had been much more active than he/she had in the beginning stages of movement. Almost constantly, she felt the baby turning completely around, which just wasn’t normal. It worried her, yet she decided not to go to the town doctor.

Just then, a whinny could be heard from down the trail. Astrid frowned, as no one ever came this far out of town. Maybe it was a passerby? Someone looking for direction? She didn’t know; but taking extra precaution, she grabbed the rifle that had always been kept by the door, and readied it, in case it was a robber, or someone who would harm her or her girls.

Waiting by the porch, rifle readied, she watched as the mounted horse glided toward them. “Girls, come up here, please!” She called to her daughters, and they obeyed without argument. Watching the horse and rider come closer, she could finally see what the person was wearing: blue army jacket, with a blue cap. Gold lined the jacket and cap, and the clothes could be seen as clean. The horse was also well groomed, and it’s saddle appeared to be fancy.

She didn’t dare to hope, but the closer the rider neared, the more she felt her heart begin to lift. “Hiccup?” She choked. Closer and closer. Faster and faster, her heart beat. But it suddenly dropped, when the man came to a stop and unmounted. It fell, hitting the dirt ground hard and painfully.

It wasn’t Hiccup.

The man walked up briskly, taking off his cap as he came up the steps. His gaze drifted down to the two girls behind her, clinging to her dress. A tone of sympathy edged his eyes as he slowly lifted them back up to meet Astrid’s. “Ma’am, I’m sergeant Michael, are you Astrid Haddock?” He asked softly.

She forced the lump down her throat and nodded. “That I am. Is-is my husband alright?”

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and closed his eyes briefly. “Mrs. Haddock, I’m…I’m sorry to inform you that yesterday, July 2, 1863, at 5 in the afternoon, your husband was killed on the field of battle at Gettysburg. I’m so sorry for your loss.” One last look at her and her daughters, then he turned and left.

Shock filled her at first. Against her will, a sob ripped through her lips, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her cry. Slowly dropping her eyes downward, she looked to her daughter. They looked scared, confused, and worried.

“Daddy coming home?” Ethel asked her softly.

The tears raged down her face and she shut her eyes tight for a moment. As best as she could, she knelt down and pulled the girls close to her. “No, Ethel.” She whispered. “Daddy’s not coming home. He’s…he’s with the angels, baby.” She choked, the lump in her throat growing by the second. Her daughters were too young for this. The pain of losing a parent was difficult no matter what, but none of her children were even through their first decade of life. Her oldest was barely seven.

The blonde girl had tears in her eyes, and her lip quivered. “Daddy left us forever?” She whimpered.

Astrid hated to think of it that way, but what other way was there to explain to her daughters? Unable to say anything, she nodded and pulled her daughters into the safety of her arms. “He loved you girls. So very much. You and your sister were everything to him. And if he were here, right now, he would tell you how much he loves you.”

Her heart ached so much though. Sallie wasn’t even a year old, and the father she would never remember was gone. The baby growing inside her would never even meet his/her father. He hadn’t even known about her pregnancy. Now he would never know. He would never know his youngest daughter. He would never know his unborn child. He would never walk his daughters down the aisle on their wedding days. He’d miss out on his grandchildren being born and growing up. All of that, he would never have a chance to do or see.

 

……

 

For several days, the Haddock girls were all in a state of melancholy. Townspeople had stopped by a few times, both to give their condolences, and to offer Astrid anything she needed: help with the girls, food for the next few days, someone to talk to, anything. The young widow refused though. She didn’t wish for charity, and she thought it best that she be the one to care for the girls, especially through such a time as the news of their father’s death.

Ida and Ethel, while still not fully comprehending that their father was gone forever, seemed to understand that something really bad had happened to him. Astrid hated seeing it on her daughters; she’d gone through the same thing when she was not much older than Ida. She knew it wasn’t fair, on anybody.

It was barely a week after receiving the news, when Astrid felt a hard kick to her lower abdomen. At first, she didn’t take it to mean anything, just the baby putting up a fuss; but when the kicks increased in severity, she became slightly worried.

Just as she was getting up to make something for the girls to eat, she felt something wet between her legs. Shutting her eyes, not wanting to admit to herself what she already knew was happening, she looked to the ground under her feet. There it was; that small puddle that could only mean one thing: she was in labor.

It’s to early, she said in her mind. The same thing had happened with her baby boy a few years ago. She’d gone into early labor, and he only lasted a few minutes after birth. The first thing since her father’s death, and it broke her. Losing her child, the child she had carried for six months, the child she felt moving inside her, was the hardest thing. She couldn’t go through it again, especially after the heartbreak of losing her beloved husband.

Braving through her fear for the moment, she looked to Ida, holding her stomach tightly. “Idie, I need to to ride Toothless into town and tell auntie Helen that your baby brother or sister is coming.” She said in a steady, but still fearful voice.

The seven year old wasted no time in jumping up from the floor, racing to pull on her coat, and run out the door. She was thankful to know that her father’s horse was already saddled up and ready to go. Climbing up, she gripped the reins in shaking hands and gave them a snap.

Only half an hour later, she returned with Helen riding behind her. They slid off their horses, and Helen immediately made a beeline for the house. “Astrid!” She called in a panic.

“Back here, Helen!” Astrid called back to her best friend. When Helen stood beside her, she took a deep breath and leaned back slightly. “I’m sorry. I know you have to take care of the boys-“

“Astrid, Ivan and Timothy are fine. Fabian is watching them. What matters is that you’re in labor. Now, listen, since you’ve gone into early labor, you know what we have to do.” Helen stroked her friend’s hair sympathetically and dabbed her already sweaty forehead. “Let’s get you in bed, and I’ll do what I can to bring your little one into the world.” She guided her over to the bed and helped her lay down.

Hours passed by, and the only thing that seemed to change was the pitch in Astrid’s screams. They varied from loud, to quiet, to high pitched, and real low. The three girls, Ida, Ethel, and Sallie, all sat in the corner. They worried for their dear mother, as they didn’t understand what was going on, but they stayed silent and kept patient.

It was well into the night, and there was still nothing to be gained from the long hours of labor that Astrid had endured. She’d been in labor for twelve hours already, an while Helen wasn’t expecting her to have delivered by then, she was at least expecting her to be dilating; Astrid wasn’t even so much as dilating. There was no doubt in the fellow mother’s mind, this was going to be a long birthing process.

And so it was. Two days of labor, and still nothing to show for it. Fabian eventually had to bring his and Helen’s two sons out so that she could help them bathe, as he had no idea how to do it. Throughout the whole two days though, Astrid no signs of actually giving birth.

And then the third day came.

It hit them all, like a tornado. It came with piercing screams, and obvious signs that Astrid had finally started crowning. For when Helen looked under the blanket that was sprawled over Astrid, she could clearly see a head full of brown hair. And at that sight, she gave a joyous cry and told Astrid that it was time. She shoved everyone else out in the meantime, asking Fabian to watch the children.

That night was long and hard. And in the end, silence filled the small Haddock residence. It was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. But suddenly, tiny wails came from the room Astrid was in. Newborn wails. Helen came in to the family room with a bright smile upon her face. “The baby is good and healthy, though a bit small.” Taking Sallie from her husband, she looked to Ida and Ethel. “Your mother is waiting for you. Go on, I’ll be there in a minute.” She told them softly. She watched them leave before turning back to Fabian, who looked worried.

“So?” He said nervously.

Her smile, still, didn’t fade. “Healthy baby girl.” Her gaze fell then, though, and she looked morose. “Astrid…didn’t want to hold her at first. She-she looks like…like him.” She whispered.

Fabian sighed and shook his head. “Those poor girls. And poor Astrid, having to deal with four daughters, all on her own. This shouldn’t be happening.” He hesitated briefly before stating, “What is she going to do?” A careful edge to his voice.

She chewed on her lip. “I think she’s going to go to work. How else is she going to care for the girls? Still, you’re right; this shouldn’t be happening.”

“What’s her name?”

Helen smiled again, having known the name Astrid had picked. There was no doubt in her mind, it was a lovely name. “Margaret. Margaret Hope Haddock. Hiccup loved the name, and Astrid thought that it was perfectly suited.

Fabian knew, all to well, how his friend had loved the name. They had discussed the topic a few months before he left; he said that if he ever had another daughter, he wanted her name to be Margaret Hope Haddock.

He wrapped and arm around his wife as they started for Astrid’s room, Sallie in Helen’s free arm. When they arrived at the entrance, Fabian couldn’t help but smile at the sweet scene. The girls were on either side of Astrid, on the bed, and were completely mesmerized by their new baby sister. Even from such a distance, Fabian could definitely see how baby Margaret resembled her late father. Her tiny face was a mold of his, and the small tufts of auburn hair were as dark and soft-looking as her father’s. he could only imagine how much more she would grow to look like her father; it was a painful thought.

Astrid’s head snapped up to her friends, and she smiled wide. “Come and meet the new Haddock.” She beckoned to them gently, yet eagerly.

They came in and stood beside her, admiring the beautiful baby that was nestled within her arms. They smiled at each other, and then back at her. “She’s beautiful, Astrid.” Fabian said softly.

The exhausted mother managed a laugh as she nodded. “She gets it from her father.” Looking back down at her newborn, she brought the girl up slightly and kissed her small, pink forehead. “I love you, my sweet girl. Daddy would have loved you too. But remember, little one, he’s always with you.” looking around at all of them, tears embraced her eyes and caressed her cheeks. She tried licking them away, but to no use. “He’s with all of us.” She whimpered.

The Ingerman’s embraced her and the girls, and the Ingerman boys were quick to join in, always loving hugs. They knew this was not a typical hug, but they could feel the love than ran through, just as much as the heartache. The one thing they could all feel though, was how it uplifted them. They were stronger together. The past months had been hard, but they were sure now that they could get through this hard time. Astrid and her daughters would make it. They would all make it; together.

 

:::

 

Idk if you guys like these long chapters or not, but that is what I’m really aiming for in this book. Now, just a note, I did NOT start off this big. I started off writing really short chapters, then slowly advanced to making them longer and longer. That is honestly the best advice I could give to any new writer. Do NOT start off big, you WILL regret it. because if you do so, you have a higher chance of making a mistake. Now I will admit, I do still make a LOT of mistakes, however most of it is due to my dyslexia. I go over the chapters I write numerous times before I publish them, but my dyslexia disturbs much of it. For that, I am truly sorry, to all my readers, and I hope you can understand.

But I’ll tell you knew writers, if I had started off this big when I began writing, then it wouldn’t have just been my dyslexia getting in the way, but also New Writer’s Syndrome. Those two combine is dangerous. So, start small, slowly progress, and I guarantee you’ll end up with fewer mistakes.

Well, that’s all I think. Hope you enjoyed chapter 1! Peace out people!


	3. Chapter 2: These Challenging Times

A somber, depressing look embraced her face, as her arms held fast to the newborn in her arms. She cradled the infant close to her breast, watching her little one feed. It always amazed her, watching her children bond with her in a way only a mother could. She loved the sweetness of their faces as they did so, and the feeling she received from feeding her babies. And yet, this time, it was different.  
Tears forced their way down her cheeks, though she tried to blink them away. “You should be here, Hiccup.” She said quietly. Taking Margaret from her breast, she held the small baby to her chest and softly patted her back to help her burp. Typically, this job would have been left for Hiccup. He loved contact with each of his daughters. To not have him there anymore…  
“Mommy.”  
“Mommy.”  
“Mommy.”  
All three of her older girls called out in small voices. Since the news of their father’s death, barely even three weeks ago, they had started to have night terrors. They would often wake at strange hours of the night, crying and screaming for either their mother or father. Sometimes, they would even come into her room and spend the rest of the night nestled against her side.  
She sighed and leaned her head back on the back of the rocking chair, which Hiccup had built when she became pregnant with Ida. That seemed so many years ago from this moment. It was, she supposed. “You should be here, Hiccup. You should be watching your daughters grow up.” Resting Margaret in the cradle that they had used since Ida’s birth, she started for the girls’ room. Standing in the doorway a moment, she leaned heavily on the post.  
“They miss you, so much, my love. Sallie hardly even remembers you. Ethel is always crying. Little Ida, she hardly says a word anymore.” Stifling a loud sob, she shut her eyes tight and ran a rough hand through her oily hair. “How could you do this? How could you leave me? How could you leave our daughters? You’re never going to see them grow up. You’re never going to walk them down the aisle on their wedding days. This isn’t how it was supposed to be, Hiccup. We were supposed to grow old , together. We were supposed to raise our girls, together. We were supposed to watch our grandchildren, together.” Softly punching the wall beside her, she tried to get a grip on her emotions before she entered the room. “You damned southerners. You took my husband, my daughters’ father, from me. Damn you. Damn y’all to hell.” She hissed with all the venom and hate in her soul and heart.  
She managed to calm herself in a few minutes, and walked softly next to her daughters’ bed. “You girls ok?” She whispered, kneeling next to them. She brushed a hand over each of their cheeks softly, a comforting sign that she was right there.  
Ida opened her eyes, showing all the fear that laced the beautiful, violet orbs. “We all had dreams about daddy. He-he was coming home. But-but he’s not, mommy. He’s not coming home. He left us!” She wailed miserably.  
Astrid immediately sat up on her knees and took the girl into her loving embrace. “No. No. Shh. Shh, sweet girl. Look at me. Ida, look at me, baby.” She held her daughter’s soft cheeks and wiped her tears back from her eyes. “Daddy did not leave, my darling. He loved you, so, so much. And believe me when I say, he wanted to come home. He tried so very hard to make it back to you and me and your sisters. That is all he wanted. His dying was a cruel, and horrible twist of life. And those southerners are the ones who took him from us. He didn’t want to leave, baby.” She wrapped Ida in her arms again and kissed her black hair. “He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave.”

…

Ida was at school, Ethel and Sallie were playing in the yard, and Margaret was in her cradle, fast asleep. Astrid swept the porch, while watching her two middle daughters. Sweat lined her hairline, and brushed over her brow. The days had seemed longer and harder since Hiccup’s death. She found it hard to accept that it had been six months since her sweet husband’s death. She still believed that any day, he would come riding down the road, astride his military horse, and in his military uniform, and prove the sargeant wrong.  
Oh, how she yearned for that. Feeling her heart break all over again, when she woke up in bed alone, watched her daughters try to have fun without their father, or looked at the four photos sitting on the fireplace, was a horrible curse. She felt tears come to her eyes during each of these moments. Even more so that there wasn’t a family photo with Sallie and Hiccup; it was just her and her daughters.  
No matter how much time passed, she knew, she would never accept this. She wouldn’t accept that any of it was fair. How was it? Her daughters would grow up watching their friends play with their fathers. They would watch their female friends walk down the aisle on the arms of their fathers. They would watch all of that, yet never have it themselves. How, in any way, was that fair?  
The young mother often found herself waking at strange hours of the night. Tossing and turning, she was unable to drift back into unconsciousness. When she didn manage to find rest, it was anything but peaceful. Restless, and fitful, were her times of sleep. Her mind was filled with dreams, and memories of the man she had given her heart and soul to. The man that loved her, and showed her with everything he did.  
His memory haunted her, now. Crying herlsef to sleep was nothing unknown to her; in fact, she had come to fully expect it when the night drew near. She dreaded sleep, though. The empty spot beside her was just another constant reminder that Hiccup was dead.  
There had been a time, long, long ago, where laying in this bed had been her only desire. More, having Hiccup carry her and lay her in this bed. He’d built it as her wedding present, when they got married. It had been their marital bed since the night of their wedding. Now, resting within its sheets without him, all she could think about anymore was every memory this bed held.  
This had been where Hiccup would take his love for her to new and wonderful heights. He’d embrace her in his strong arms, and whisper into her neck how much he loved her, and how beautiful she was. For hours on end, he would love her in every way possible, never to let her forget the touch of his lips to her skin, or the brush of his hands across her body.  
It was in this bed that he had knelt next to her when she gave birth to their first four children. He’d held her hand through each birth, holding her close and kissing her head. And after each child was placed in one of their arms, he would sit next to her and cry joyfully into her shoulder. And when William had died, he still stayed beside her and they joined together in mourning their son.  
And the last few memories…their last day together. Their girls crawled into bed with them, the morning before he left. It was their last moment as a family. The girls had been so giggly, and Hiccup had been the proud father to dote on his daughters as they cuddled with him.  
And then that night, the last night they made love. Never before had he held her so urgently, yet lovingly. His kisses to her mournful body were so light, but left the promise of his love for her behind with every touch. His arms held her tightly, telling her he wanted anything but to let her out. All they wanted was for time to stand still, for them to be able to stay like that forever.  
There was one thing she was thankful for in all of that; they got one last night together. It hadn’t been wasted. Hiccup had wasted no time in showing her every bit of love for her in their last hours of the night. He made sure she would be left with one last, beautiful memory together, before he had to bid her farewell. They had been given that, and she was grateful.  
But it didn’t make it any easier to watch her daughters try to make some fun out of what Hiccup would have been able to do with ease. That had been one of her absolute favorite things about him. A gifted man, he was; unlike many men of the day, there was nothing he enjoyed more than to spend all the time he could, no matter the game, with his daughters. For hours, he could sit in the family room with them, playing dolls. He could sit in the yard with them and have a tea party with each of their two stuffed animals. He could chase them around the yard and tackle them in kisses and tickle fights. And without a doubt, she knew that his favorite thing was to spend the day playing hide-and-seek with their daughters. He was such a man-child when it came to hide-and-seek.  
He could make fun out of anything, which the girls had come to depend upon in the last few years. They left it to him to think up any new, fun game they could play. And when ideas came along, father and daughters could spend hours in the same fun. And while Astrid loved each of those memories, it now broke her heart, because her daughters had been stripped of that fun-loving relationship. They were bright, but they enjoyed having their father think up games. It hurt, so much, to see them suffer like this.  
Setting the broom aside with a weary hand, she eased herself into one of the rocking chairs that had rested there since Hiccup had finished building the house. They each had a rocking chair, but a tug ripped at her heart again. All the mornings and afternoons and evenings she and Hiccup had spent on these rocking chairs…lost in the wild country wind.  
In the early time of their marriage, she had spent more time on his lap, in his rocking chair, than sitting in her own. They were constantly wrapped up in each other, getting as close as they could. Even after they found out she was pregnant with Ida, she still opted to sit on his lap. It hadn’t been until Ida was almost a year old that Astrid finally began to sit in her own chair. The girl became to much for them both to handle, scrunched together.  
From there, they had sat close to each other in their chairs, their daughter on either of their laps, hands laced by the fingers, and hot mugs of coffee nestled into their hands. They would watch the sunrise together, welcoming the new day with bright smiles and a sweet kiss. He’d stroke her cheek, and wish for a good day.  
After their morning coffee, he would leave for a few hours, and go the few miles to his job at the sawmill. At lunch, she would either ride out to him and have lunch with him, or he would return for a while to eat with her and their young ones. On the days he would come back, they would once again sit in their rocking chairs and eat homemade sandwiches, while watching their girls play in front of them.  
In the evening, he would return home and take off his hat as he climbed the stairs two at a time. he’d snake a welcoming arm around her waist to pull her tight against his chest, and grace her lips with a delightful kiss and a smile that would never fail to make her weak in the knees.  
Once again, they would take their place in these chairs, lace their fingers gently through the other’s and watch as the sun would sail away into the depths of the ocean sky, and the moon washed up into a starry sea. It was then that they would allow the earlier days of their marriage come back, and she would shift over into his lap. He’d wrap his arms around her, and let her rest on his chest. Fingers running through her hair, he would ease her, and listen as she told him about the day, which he did in return when she finished.  
Hell, it had been in this particular embrace that she had told him for the very first time that they had a little one on the way. She’d had her arms laced around his neck, one of his was around her waist, and she watched for his reaction. There was no question, as long as she lived, she would never forget the look that took hold of his features when she told him.  
So dumbfounded, he seemed, at first. He looked as though he hadn’t her, or had heard incorrectly. But when it dawned on him that he had indeed heard right, a transformation took hold. Slowly, but surely. His mouth was agape, and he couldn’t seem to neither blink nor breath. And when he managed to finally do so, he took his gaze down to her stomach. The hand which rested on the arm of his chair came in slowly, cradling her stomach ever so gently. Tears flooded his eyes when he looked back up to her. Never had she seen him so happy. That look would be one to always remember.  
Why, she screamed in her mind? Why did everything she saw have to remind her of him? Why did their marital bed have to make her feel more lonely than wholesome? Why did these chairs sift through such memories to remind her? Why did this very land, the land of which he loved, have to smell like her husband? It hurt. It all hurt so much.  
But she had no time to think more on it, and break down, because coming down the road was a not-so-friendly looking stranger. He sat straight on the horse he was mounted upon, and even from such a distance, she could clearly see the sour look that held his face. “Girls, come up here!” She called out, standing from her chair and holding her arms out for them. “Go inside, alright?” She told the three of them. Shooing them gently in, she eased her way down the stairs and went to greet the strange man that was dressed in more fancy clothes than she had seen in her near twenty-two years.  
“Can I help you, sir?” She said cautiously, when he unmounted his black steed. He had a pointed face, with a big, round nose, and was slim-bodied. He was sickly looking, and his featured, if nothing else, put her on edge.  
“I’m looking for Astrid Haddock.” He said quick and briskly.  
She frowned and clutched the stair-rail with white knuckles. “I’m Astrid Haddock. What is this about?”  
He came forward and handed her a folded piece of paper. Saying nothing more, he remounted his horse and started back down the road from which he’d come.  
Feeling a strange sense of nervousness at what the contents of the letter could contain, she broke the seal and unfolded the neat slip. A knot formed in her throat as she struggled with the confusing words lined out in front of her. By the time she finished it she was in tears, hand over her mouth, and a sob stuck in her chest.  
Her eyes snapped to look through the window, which gave a view inside the family room. Her daughters played on the old, worn carpet. Their corn-shuck dolls were in their hands, as they tried to make a game from them. They were so beautiful, so admirable. But this letter changed everything.

…

“This is ridiculous!”  
“Mrs. Haddock, try to be reasonable.”  
“No! Do you honestly believe this to be what my husband would want? For our daughters to be ripped from the only home they’ve ever known, just months after his death! For them to be taken from their own mother! Like hell! Hiccup loved our girls more than anything, and he damn well knew that if anything were to happen to them I could just as well care for them! He would not want them to be taken from me!” Astrid cried angrily as she stood from her seat and slammed her fist down on the table in front of her. “Are you doing this to all the mothers that have lost their husbands? Are you taking their children from them too?”  
The jury started to whisper, and the judge looked around frantically. “Mrs. Haddock, please, restrain yourself.” He pleaded quietly.  
A sudden wail interrupted everyone, and Astrid sniffed. “I have to calm my daughter.” She choked. Despite their attempts to get her to stay in her seat, she got out from the witnessing panel and moved to take Margaret from Helen. As she sat, baby close to her chest, Helen moved to be questioned next.  
“Mrs. Ingerman, how long have you known Mrs. Haddock?” The lawyer asked.  
“My whole life, sir. We’ve been friends since we were girls. I have to say, I’m disgusted that you are trying to take her daughters from her, when she just lost her husband. She loves those girls with everything she has.” Helen told the lawyer. “And I knew Hiccup Haddock, her late husband, as well. I know that what she said is true; he would not want his daughters to be taken from his wife and left in the care of strangers.” She said venomously.  
The lawyer held up a dismissive hand though. “Mrs. Ingerman, you are only to answer the questions I have laid out for you. Unless I ask for your elaboration, I’ll thank you to answer quickly and honestly. Now, in regards to what Mr. Haddock would have wanted, our concern lies solely with the fact that we would be leaving four children in the care of a woman, alone. As you well know, it is not proper to leave children in the permanent care of a woman. How do you respond to that?”  
“Mr. Grimborn, while it may not be proper, it is not against the law. And being as the case is one of death and not divorce, I see this trial highly uncalled for. The girls just lost their father, how can you make them leave their mother? She is all they have. And they adore her. Sir, I truly think taking them away would be a mistake. Not because my friend is a woman, but because she knows them better than any stranger ever could. After such a loss, she should be caring for them, just as any mother would.”  
“But should the fact that Hiccup Haddock was previously fired from his job, because he would not perform his duties, have nothing to offer, in regards to the question of whether the Haddock children are truly safe in the Haddock residence?” The lawyer fired back quickly.  
The Berkians of the jury all gasped quietly, creating one wave that echoed through the room.  
Astrid snapped her fiery eyes toward the lawyer. “What the fuck? What are you talking about? My husband was not fired from his job!” She cried out. “He was laid off, get your fucking facts straight, dumbass!”  
“Mrs. Haddock, if you cannot withhold your use of language, I am going to have to have you removed.” The judge told her with a stern glare. “Proceed, Mr. Grimborn.” He directed to the lawyer.  
Vance Grimborn, gave a nod toward the judge. “Mrs. Ingerman, Mr. Haddock’s former employer came forward and provided the forms of Mr. Haddock’s withdraw. It says in these papers that on October 15, 1862, he was fired for insubordination. He refused to remove a man, his wife and their child from their home in order to pursue what would have made his company a significant profit. For this, he was fired. Now what kind of a man does that tell you he was?” He smiled slyly, feeling he had the upper hand in the argument; little did he know how wrong he was.  
Astrid stood, Margaret close to her chest, and a teary smile on her lips. “It tells me that he was a true family man. He couldn’t do to another family what he would never do to our own. He cared. He cared for those people. And he may have lied to me about it, but I understand why he did. But you should know, I am not disappointed in him for what he did. My husband was a good man, Mr. Grimborn. Anyone in this room that knew him could tell you that.”  
The judge seemed bored with her statement, but behind his eyes she could see the fear lining his forehead. He cleared his throat and hit his gravel on his desk. “The jury will proceed to recess and return with a verdit. Jury, you have one hour to decide whether Mrs. Haddock will continue to raise her daughters, or if the Haddock children will be removed from the home. Dismissed.” He said finally, with one last hit of his gravel.  
The hour was torturous for Astrid. All she could do was cradle her baby daughter close, and try to offer comforting words to her three older girls. She forced the tears out of her eyes and kept calm for the sake of her daughters.  
Helen rested a loving hand on her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. “It’s going to be ok, Ast.” She told her friend. Astrid could only sob quietly and nod against Ida’s shoulder.  
An hour later, she stood rigidly in the pew, as waited for the verdict to be handed out. “Please. Please. Show me you still care, Hiccup.” She whispered desperately.  
A man from the back stood up, folded paper with the verdict in hand, and came to the front panel. Time couldn’t pass fast enough, as he unfolded the paper and cleared his throat. “In the case of Astrid Haddock raising her children or handing them to the government for care, we find favor to be in Mrs. Haddock. It is unanimous, that the votes go to Astrid Haddock raising the children her late husband left with her.”  
She looked up to the ceiling with a teary-eyed smile. “Thank you, Hiccup. Thank you. Thank you.”

…

“Ida, we need to leave, darling!” Astrid called back to her daughter quickly as she lifted Margaret, who was a year old already, out of her cradle and wrapped her in a blanket to shelter her from the cold of winter. “Ida Jenny Haddock!” She called again.  
The eight year old came rushing out, her hair in a knotted mess. “Sorry, mama. I can’t get my hair in a braid. Daddy always did-“ in an instant she covered her mouth, eyes wide. In the last year, she had convinced herself that mentioning her father was a taboo subject.  
Astrid smiled sadly and set Margaret on the floor before kneeling in front of her oldest. She rubbed Ida’s arms soothingly and brushed her hair back. “It’s ok to talk about daddy, sweetheart. You don’t have to fear that I’ll break down. Your father…he loved each and every one of you. He wouldn’t want to see us suffer like this. You can talk about him, my love. I want you to talk about him. Now, let’s do your hair.” She turned the girl to face away from her, righted her hair, and braided it intricately. “It’s not a pretty as daddy’s, but you’re still our beautiful girl.” She said proudly.  
Ida leaned in to hug her mother tenderly. “I miss him, mama. I miss daddy so much.” She whisepered into her mother’s shoulder, trying desperately not to cry.  
She kissed Ida’s head and stroked her back lovingly. “I know, my love. I know you miss him. I miss him too. We all do. But he’s still with us. Everywhere we go, he’s right there. He’ll always be here, baby. He will always love you. All of you.” She said to her daughters, pulling all four of them close.  
Margaret cocked her head, the same look of confusion on her face as would appear on Hiccup’s. In the year following her birth, Astrid had come to love how much her youngest resembled her father. It broke her heart, in some ways, but there was still a warm feeling that would creep up into her heart.  
“Da?” Margaret drawled out slowly.  
That was her first word. Astrid’s heart lept into her throat, choking her. A sob caught in her throat and she nodded. “That’s right, baby. Da. Da-ddy.” She sounded for the girl. “You look just like him, sweetie.” Grabbing one of the photos with Hiccup in it and showed it to her daughter. “That’s him, Maggie. Your daddy. He would have loved you, dear girl.” She choked between her tears as she placed a kiss to the head full of wild, auburn locks.  
Maggie placed her curled hand right over the image of her father’s face in the photos and giggled up at Astrid. “Da! Da!” She squealed eagerly. Holding her arms out, she told Astrid that she wanted to be held. Astrid gladly obliged, placing the toddler in the comfort of her lap.  
She looked around at all of her daughters. In some way or another, they each bore a feature that belonged to their father. Ida had his sweet, loving smile. Ethel had his deep, caring, puppy green eyes. Sallie had his adorble, button nose. There was still a bit of him in them, even if no one else could see it, she could.  
Reaching to stroke each of their cheeks, she quivered a smile. “Let’s go, girls.” She finally said, standing from the floor and leading them all out to a previously hitched wagon.  
“Mommy, why do you have to work?” Five year old Ethel asked quietly.  
She lifted each of the girls into the wagon, after handing Maggie to Ida, and then climbed in beside them. Wrapping an arm around Ethel, she squeezed the girl close to her and brushed her blonde hair softly. “I’m going to get a job, sweetheart.” She reminded her. She didn’t have the position yet, that of a muleskinner. It was a tough position for a woman, especially a single woman, to obtain, but she desperately needed the money. Muleskinners earned decent pay, and right now she would take anything she could get to help herself and four daughters.  
Ethel just nodded and said nothing else. She, like Ida, had become much more reclusive in the past year and a half. It had been harder since Hiccup left. While before he was called for duty, the girls had had an idea of their situation, they knew and understood everything now. They knew they were just barely getting by. It was a burden Astrid hated to bring down on her daughters, however one that she couldn’t very well avoid. The war had hit them all, and they had to grow up faster than most girls and boys their age.  
She closed her eyes, shutting out the tears that threatened her once again. she had to remind herself, she couldn’t cry. She couldn’t. Not in front of her girls. They were still to innocent to see her cry like this. Whenever I need you the most, Hiccup…whenever I really need you, she said in her head. Forcing her tears down, she licked her lips and then gripped the reins in her hands. Snapping them against Toothless gently, she clicked her tongue as a sign for him to move.

…

She collapsed against the wall, taking off her coal-clad hat and ran her dirty, chapped fingers through her knotted and oily hair. “I’m home!” She called to her dautghters. They all came running in to meet her, Maggie waddling excitedly.  
Astrid picked the almost two year old up in her arms and nuzzled her lovingly. “How was your day, girls?” She asked them tiredly as they all started back for the kitchen.  
“Good.” The three oldest answered. Ida pulled out a pitcher of water, and filled a glass before setting it in front of her mother. “Are you ok, mama?” She asked softly.  
She smiled reassuringly and took tiny sips of her water. “I’m fine, darling. It was just a long day at my jobs. The mine and muleskinning are no easy jobs. Bosses worked all of us to the bone, today.” She hissed as she rubbed her hands together. But being as they were red and cracked, with blood seeping out of some of the more severe cracks, raw pain shot up in her arm. “Would you get me the avocado salve?” She asked softly.  
Ida immediately raced to do so. Grabbing the avocado salve out of one of the cabinets, she opened the container and dipped her fingers in. “Let me, mama.” She mumbled. Taking her mother’s bony hand in her own, she gently rubbed the cool mush over the cracks, and massaged it lightly into her skin. “Does that feel better?” She asked.  
Astrid nodded and smiled gratefully. “Thank you, baby.” And after wiping the avocado from her hands, when it was dried, she pulled the girl into her lap and kissed her cheek. “Your father would be so proud of you, you know that?” She told her.  
Ida looked hopeful, but still somewhat doubtful. “He would?” She stuttered. She wasn’t so sure as her mother was. She constantly felt as though she wasn’t living up to what her father would want from her. It was hard, trying so hard to strive for such perfection, but the drive was just there. She couldn’t explain it.  
But Astrid couldn’t be more sure. She could see the look in her daughter’s eyes, and knew she always second guessed herself. It hurt her to see her daughter feel such things about herself; but she was determined to let her see what she saw. What her father had and still would have seen, if were alive.  
“Baby, from the second you were born you were perfect to him. He cried when you were placed in his arms. Do you know what the first thing he said to you was? I will never forget it, because those words are burned into my memory like a brand. He said ‘no matter the challenges you face in your life, the sadness or grief you feel taking over, or the pain and pressure you undergo, I know you will make it through. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are my daughter. I know you will grow into a strong woman’.” She gathered the girl closer to her.  
She cried into her mother’s shoulder.  
“He knew, Ida. He knew you would experience pain in your life. He didn’t like he, but he accepted it. and he knew that you would be able to handle whatever came your way. He knew the same about Ethel and Sallie, but you were his oldest. He was so proud of you. If he could see you now, he would still be so proud. You were everything to him. You’re everything to me. Never forget that, my love. never forget what a proud father he was, and how much he loved you. You, and your sisters.” Her heart soared as she pressed her daughter close to her chest and kissed her black hair.  
All she could think about though was how much Hiccup would break at seeing all of this unfold. While he’d been all for her finding a job if she so wished, but neither of them had wanted her to work in the mines, or as a muleskinner. She came home every night with a breaking back, and cracked, raw skin. Hiccup had never gone through that with his job at the sawmill. For her to go through it…it would break his heart.  
As a man, he’d felt that need to provide and protect his family, since the very first day he and Astrid shared in their first kiss. It was his soul instinct. He never would have wanted it to come to this; yet it still had. She had to go to work. She had to find the most back-breaking, tear-drawing job she could to earn more.  
Part of her, though disgusted with that part, was glad that Hiccup wasn’t around to see it come to this. He would feel like a failure as a husband and as a father for his wife having to take a life-risking job to provide for their girl. He wouldn’t have been able to bear it, she knew.  
She pushed those thoughts aside though, focusing on the daughter she had brought into the world not even ten years ago. The daughter her husband had impregnated her with nearly ten years ago. The daughter they had loved and cherished, together for the longest time. The daughter she was left alone with to remind of the love her father had held for her.

:::

So first note is: I’M SO SORRY! I’m sorry if I made you cry as much as I did. The feels in this…it made me so emotional that it took me several days to get through it. you know what the worst part is? This chapter won’t have near as many feels/crying moments as a chapter that will be coming up real soon. But really, I’m sorry if I made anyone cry. Yet, it was kind of my intention. I’m so cruel XD.  
So, second note: muleskinner. It was a western term in the 1800s, and it was someone who loaded and shipped equipment to other places, by wagon or something of the other. And it was actually one of the many jobs that western women could obtain then. It was difficult, but very much possible. Same with gold and coal mining, though most don’t believe women were allowed in the minds. This is true, for the most part; but there were places in the west that allowed women more freedom than most. Believe me, I have done so much research to write this. It’s a trial, but I’m loving it.  
I hope you guys like the chapter. Let me know what you think in the comments. Peace out people!


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